“Self-compassion is also a big part of the hidden answer, and in our world that pushes and prods us to do more, be more, achieve more — it gets lost. We are nice to others and humans but rarely to ourselves. Self-compassion is the foundation of wellness and self-love. It means treating yourself with the same compassion and care that you would give to your best friend, especially when times get tough”.
In Image: A Woman with Compassion
We will be talking about self-love — the practice of self-compassion; why it is important, and what you can do to cultivate this essential form of love for yourself. By cultivating the ability to be your own best friend, you might aslso shift how you treat yourself and therefore improve your overall wellbeing.
Being Aware of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the act of directing compassion inwards. It means allowing your own suffering, understanding that you are imperfect and responding to your pain with kindness rather than with harsh judgement. At its core, self-compassion consists of three components:
- Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment– Therefore, self-compassion means being kind and understanding to oneself instead of harshly judging ourselves for shortcomings. You should always treat yourself like you are someone you love, rather than getting angry for failing/ making mistakes.
- Common Humanity vs. Isolation: This component means recognizing that imperfection and suffering is part of being human – we are all connected to each other by the shared experience of life. When we are in the trenches of a bad moment, it is so easy to believe that we are all alone and no one else is struggling. Self-compassion is the reminder that we are not alone,
- Over-Identification vs Mindfulne–Mindfulness as it relates to self-compassion is the ability to notice your thoughts and emotions without becoming entangled in them. That means staying calm and monitoring your feelings so that you can react to your discomfort rather than letting it humiliate you.
The Importance of Self-Compassion
This is wise because self-compassion has quite a few benefits. It encourages emotional resilience, above all. Life is full of hurdles, setbacks and let downs. Self-care for dealing with challenges that arise is more manageable when we are gentle to ourselves during this process. That makes our self-pity work faster and more effective when we practice self-compassion rather than surrendering to self-criticism and hopelessness.
Self-compassion has likewise been evidenced in connection to better mental health. Research suggests that practicing self-compassion decreases anxiety and depressive symptoms. They also have higher levels of global wellbeing, self-esteem, and life satisfaction. Self-compassion keeps us balanced so we do not get stuck in cycles of negative thinking about our event.
Self-compassion helps our relationships too. When we are kind to ourselves, we are less dependent on other people to affirm and accept us. In so doing, we can interact with others from a place of authentic love and acceptance instead of need or fear, which reduces the burden upon our connections.
The Link Between Self-Love and Self-Compassion
Self-love is about self-compassion, self to self. Self love is an awareness that you are precious and valuable. Then again, loving yourself may be hard for many. And this is where self-compassion has a part to play. If you are gentle on yourself, you may find it easier to fall in love with yourself.
To be kind to own itself, you accept your weakness but it does not define your worth as a human-being. You still practice self-kindness, even when you do not measure up to your expectations or the expectations of others. This habit of self-love weaves itself into the very fabric of your inner world over time.
Doable Actions to Foster Self-Compassion
Since we have established how beneficial self-compassion is, the next step that we will take a look at now are a few practical things through which you can incorporate self compassion into your everyday life. Remember that it takes time and practice to cultivate self-compassion, as with any other skill. So as you head out into the world on your trip, be gentle with yourself.
1. Engage in Mindful Awareness
One way to build self-compassion is through the use of mindfulness. It involves noticing your thoughts, feelings and body sensations in the present moment without any form of evaluation. Mindfulness allows you to pause and observe your thoughts that are being critical of yourself when you notice yourself thinking about them.
Spend a few minutes each day sitting quietly and focusing on your breath to practice mindfulness instead. Notice your thoughts and feelings as they arise, then allow them to move on without judgment. This exercise will eventually help you notice your inner dialogue, so that you can respond to yourself more kindly.
2. Face Your Inner Judge
Everyone has that little voice in their brain that is your inner critic—pointing out all of your flaws, mistakes, failures, everything. We all have this inner critic that can be incredibly harsh and uncompromising and can slowly erode our sense of worthiness and self-esteem. But this inner critic that you hear is not who you really are.
To help fight back against your inner critic, when you notice it coming out, grab the exercise braces for self-examination, and ask yourself: are these questions true or productive? Even if you feel diminished, validate yourself with more sympathetic and holistic notions instead of your self-critical ones. If your inner critic says, “I am so much a loser,” reply with, “I made an error, but that does not determine my value, for example. Here I can gain experience and learn from mistakes to improve in years ahead.
3. Take Care of Yourself Like a Pal.
This is one of the simplest ways to practice self-compassion — give yourself the same thought you would give to a loved one. Think about how you would react if your friend came to you and they were struggling or dealing with a mistake. You would likely reassure them, say comforting things to make them feel better and be there for them.
Next time you are in the challenging situation or down on yourself, see if you can respond with the same compassion and understanding that you would to a friend. Give yourself the same love you would give anyone else; it is OK that you are capable of making mistakes too.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is an essential element of self-compassion. It involves the intentional choices you make to provide for your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Self-care can literally look different in so many ways from getting enough sleep and nutrition to engaging in pleasurable and relaxing activities.
Put your health and well-being on number one place in your life. Dedicate some time each day towards engaging in activities that bring you joy and rejuvenate your spirit. Be it yoga, reading a book, going for an outdoor walk, or hanging out with friends and family; self-care is a great way to be kind to yourself.
5. Engage in Self-Forgiveness
The biggest roadblock to being self-compassionate is holding onto past transgressions and missteps. When we imagine how things might have gone, we tend to focus on what we could have done differently and come down hard on ourselves for it. Yet all this does is strengthen the emotions of guilt and shame, which makes it harder to move on.
Self-forgiveness involves recognizing your mistakes, owning them, and releasing them from your spirit. Do not allow yourself to believe that you are your failures — everybody slips up from time to time. Forgiving yourself can allow you to lift the burden of guilt and create space for your own growth and healing.
6. Accept Your Imperfection
And what fights self-compassion is perfectionism. It is futile to aim for perfection as you will never reach it. This endless pursuit of perfection leads to self-criticism, dissatisfaction, and a sense of inadequacy.
Take your flaws as part of being human, encourage the idea that it is fine to have flaws. Focus on your progress and give yourself a pat on the back for that, instead of beating yourself up about the things you did not do or have not done yet. Note: Making mistakes is a natural; it is also the best moment of learning that you get.
7. Foster Appreciation
Gratitude, though a simple and powerful practice in itself can also help with self-compassion. Focusing on what you have to be grateful for draws your attention away from feeling devoid of or deficient in something that may accompany a dull I thought gave me needed information link, and also the feeling stated is addressed. That shift in perspective should help you to develop a more loving and gentler relationship with yourself.
Bind a thankfulness book, writing down 3 things that you are grateful for each day. They could be anything big or tiny that brings you happiness or gives a sense of comfort. This practice will help you cultivate a greater sense of appreciation for your life and yourself, as the weeks pass.
8. Be in the company of encouraging people
Your company may have the biggest impact on your ability to be self-compassionate. Consider spending your time with inspiring people rather than depressing people, or those that promote self-criticism decision making.
Make efforts to associate with people who encourage you to treat yourself kindly and accept – all of you. These comforting connections can save your self-compassion practice and keep you on track when the going gets tough.
9. Establish Sound Limits
Establishing boundaries is a vital aspect of self-compassion. Boundaries protect your wellbeing by ensuring that you do not overextend yourself or allow others to take advantage of you. Setting those boundaries to maintain balance proves to you that what you want and need matters.
Take stock of if or where you might need some boundaries returned, set, or strengthened in your life. It can happen at work, in your relationship or when you are all alone. For real, be firm and direct when setting your boundaries, and use the word “no” when needed.
10. Speak to yourself with compassion
The way you talk to yourself matters. Talk to yourself with kindness and affirmation when you think about you. This is what we call self compassionate talk. Focus on your achievements and strengths, not what people claim that you lack. For example, instead of saying “I’m anxious for a work presentation,”
Instead of, “I’m going to screw this real” – try saying, “I’ve prepared for this and I’m ready.” This little shift in internal dialogue can help your self-compassion grow and feel a bit more assured.
Self-Compassion Enhances Emotional Sturdiness
Resilience is the capacity to withstand stress, adversity, and tragedy whilst maintaining emotional quality. By practicing self-compassion you are essentially laying down the neural pathways that will allow you to recover from failure quicker, and with less emotional turmoil. Self-compassion allows you to pause, take stock of a situation and treat yourself with the same respect and kindness you would afford even your best goal — instead of allowing that setback or challenge to develop into an existential crisis.
Self-compassion itself is decidedly founded on research and its connectiveness with resilience is strong. People who consistently engage in self compassion are quicker to recover from both stress and trauma including emotional pain. This is because self-compassion encourages an even-handed emotional frame, one that allows people to acknowledge their struggles without being consumed by them. It gives you the space to process these feelings in a better way, instead of allowing bad emotions to fester.
Using Self-Kindness to Reframe Failures
Part of self-compassion, after all, is to change your perspective on failure. Failure and mistakes are followed by harsh self-criticism which only magnifies feelings of unworthiness. Self‐compassion reverses this cycle by promoting self kindness in times of struggle. You may choose to just feel the pain/disappointment and then provide yourself with words of love and comfort instead of judging yourself for not being good enough.
It does not mean to dismiss or deny your faults. It’s about realizing that missteps are a natural part of being human. Through the lens of self-compassion, failures become opportunities for development rather than confirmation of inferiority. For instance, self-compassion encourages a more kind response: “I’m having a hard time right now, but with work and effort I can improve,” rather than “I’m awful at this and will never succeed.”
Mindfulness’s Function in Self-Compassion
Being kind to yourself is a skill that requires mindfulness. It is usually so easy to let our negative feelings take charge over us when we are facing pressing problems. Mindfulness allows you to observe these emotions without getting wrapped-up in them. Instead, use mindfulness exercises to become privy to your thoughts and choices without allowing them to take over all of your mindspace.
Mindfulness is simply being aware of how you are feeling (without judgment). It means acknowledging that you are sad/disappointed, and responding to yourself with kindness instead of judgment. Within mindfulness, a mental space where examination of your feelings and responses, with compassion can occur.
With mindfulness, you can identify the emotion when it appears — like revealing emotions such as anxiety or aggression for a mistake. Instead of the worry running riot, you might say “This is tough but I’m going to be tender with myself.” You are guiding yourself from judgment or fear, to inner calm and context.
Humanity in Common: We’re All in It Together
Another important aspect of self-compassion is recognizing our common humanity. When life gets hard, it can feel so easy to isolate; as if no one else could possibly understand your struggles. And this sense of solitude might exacerbate negative emotions and lead you to feel isolated from others.
Self-compassion reminds us that we all struggle and screw up sometimes. Being happy and sad are a part of human nature. When you can view your own struggles through the lens of humanity, it is easier to be kind to yourself. You realise that yours is not the only life having difficulty; many others have died, and will die, difficult deaths. Knowing this makes you feel more connected and less alone.
For example instead of saying to yourself “Why does this keep happening to me,” when you mess up at something important. It instills the belief that “everyone struggles sometimes. Everyone fails at some point or another, and that’s just a part of being human.” Realizing that others face similar challenges can soften the blow of failure and keep you from feeling isolated.
Self-Compassion via Self-Forgiveness
Self-compassion can be nurtured in many ways but one of the best i have found is self forgiveness. So often we hold onto guilt or shame for past actions that may be holding us back in the now. Self-forgiveness helps you release these burdens by leading the way to allow your imperfections to exist, without letting them consume your identity.
Forgiving yourself is not the same as absolving yourself from your responsibilities or dealing with the impact of your actions. It means accepting that you made a mistake and allowing yourself to learn from it, instead of punishing yourself over and over again. Self-compassion reminds you to be gentle with yourself, we all make mistakes and the path to improvement is not beating yourself up but rather guidance and education through your experiences.
The Advantages of an Inner Voice of Compassion
How you speak with yourself matters a lot when it comes to mental health. A caring inner voice is the key to self compassion practice. Too many people engage in negative self-talk that erodes their confidence, being the toughest critic on themselves. If you change this internal dialogue, you might have a different relationship with yourself.
By practicing self-kindness in the situations where you would normally beat yourself down with harsh words, you can replace those negative experiences with positive and compassionate thoughts. Make statements like “I’m doing my best and that’s enough,” instead of “I’m not good enough.” Through this shift in perspective, you learn to cultivate a kinder and positive relationship with your self which fosters resilience and emotional health.
Practicing self-compassion is a proven tool to building emotional resilience that lasts. When you can rely on yourself for interpretations and consolation, it makes the movements of existence easy to take in stride. Not only will you improve your emotional health, but self-compassion also builds the foundation for acceptance of oneself and development throughout a lifetime.
Through practising self-kindness, mindfulness and awareness, you get to create a habit that not only protects but also strengthens the core you so that when life throws everything at you, it becomes easier to weather through with grace. Over time, this can be life changing and instill a deeper sense of inner calm and a more positive relationship with yourself.
Being your own best friend is one of the essential skills of self compassion. It involves treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would want someone close to you to treat you. Applying the tips outlined in this article to your daily routine can change how you relate to yourself and help foster a deeper sense of self-compassion.
Remember that learning to be self-compassionate is a journey and not an end point. It requires consciousness, effort, and practice. When you practice self-compassion, everything else falls into place — your life becomes better, and every challenge is easier to face with grace and more resilience.
“By practicing self-compassion you are laying the foundation for a stronger, kinder, and more connected life. Then give yourself some compassion, honor your achievements, and remember that you deserve the same understanding you offer to so many others.”